BrainDump

So, it's been a little over a month since the mountain-man summer.

I've been bumming around kind of, but things are about to change. My life has gone from super simple to busier than I can ever imagine, in just a matter of weeks. I can say I'm pretty happy about the way things are going.

Got a job pedaling gear at an outdoor store. Also teaching a spin class at a local gym. Waiting to hear back about a part time, overnight job as well. 3 minion jobs.
The last few years, I have been going through some things mentally... career wise.

I know that I need to advance in whatever I do, but ever since Olympia, I have been really apprehensive. This apprehension is because I know no moderation. Once I start, I have a tendency to go balls-out. I give my soul away, work hours not fit for a human being in order to make things perfect, and big companies take full advantage of that.
My inability to balance work and life scares me, and makes it extremely hard to want to commit, because I can already see the writing on the wall. I know for a fact, the last 2 years, I haven't given it my all, because if I do, my life will be work.

Also, I've worked too many jobs where the higher-level managers are held with such reverence, and the big boss is feared so much, that they may as well be God.
This is a game that I am absolutely done playing. These people are no better than anyone else... in fact, in my experience, they have more transgressions than most. Everyday, they also sit on the toilet and take big dumps, just like you. Think of them on the toilet straining next time someone says,"The Regional Manager is going to be here, don't do this or that!"

I don't know. Got off on a little tangent there.
The will to commit is there, but I don't want to go over the edge.
I don't want to take on the persona of just the average joe who works at that place.
There is so much more to life than working.
While my training is a great outlet, I have also started Gutter Race Productions.
This is a cause I believe in, and I think will help me focus on other things than work, and so I can punch in, give it my all, punch out, and stop thinking about work.

Paid my first month of rent in about a year and a half the other day. Can't say as I'm happy about it. There are 2 ways out. Go back to the VagabondLife(not an option with a woman in my life), or buy a house. While I'm not happy about rent, I am happy that my life is taking some direction.
I know where I want to be, I just have to go balls to the wall for a while. The challenge will be balancing it.